One dark night, I decided to walk going to Luneta Park,
I faced my fears because of depression at home,
I remember the whole scenario,
Tatay was so drunk and he hitted Nanay,
Nanay just so silently crying and so helpless...
They never noticed how I run away with them,
just wanted to escape from the reality of life...
I remember how my classmates got a good dress,
the best toys and the best shoes,
I remember how I never experienced to play a Barbie doll,
and looked at my old, worn out shoes that I used at school.
I sighed and continue walking without my slippers on,
I've met a lot of street children,
Their hands got a piece of a plastic with a rugby on it...
and they will sniff it all over...over and over again
and they will run fast as they could as if they own the world...
I was wondering why I have to meet them?
Was I destined to be one of those unlucky children on this Earth?
My feet felts so numb yet am still walking,
And find myself along the bay,
I've seen a lot of men who are so drunk,
I walked fast as I could when I noticed that
an old drunk man stared at me from head to toe,
My heart beats faster as normal when he shouted at me,
"Hey, Neng! Can you sit down here for a while?"
I was so scared.
His face was so scary and he is a big man.
I run fast as I could,
until I've reached the Park...
A lot of different people were there,
Most of them were already asleep
under a big white sacks,
I suddenly cried out all my fears...
Tears keep on falling,
As memories flashing back in my mind,
I have nothing in my stomach but a piece of bread...
I am so thirsty that all I can do is to cry,
I lay down at the wet grass without anything on,
I felt the coldness of the night...
My tears never stopped...
Why me?
I do have a dreams in my life,
but why do i have to suffer much?
I grown up so matured than my other friends,
I am just a 12-year-old-girl but thinks like 20.
I want to help my family...
but I am so helpless too...
I want to save the world,
but how? If I cannot even save myself...
I want to erase the poverty in the dictionary,
I begin to write a farewell letter to my mind,
And I closed my eyes with tears,
wishing that tomorrow I will never have my fears...
I thought of it a million times before,
I know everybody could understand me,
And I wish they will not judge me for what I got to do...
Because I swear I will change the world tomorrow...
When they would watch me on the t.v.
I would not be a superstar, but at least, I have made a difference
and would leave a realization to everyone.
........when am already gone.......
Monday, November 10, 2008
"The Real Reason of Letting You Go"
I never had a courage to confess you,
about what I really feel,
you might even wonder why
I suddenly gave up on you
and never tried to fight for you
until the end...
You might hate me and
will get hurt for what I've done.
but...
you never know the reason
why should I have to let go...
It was just because I love you too much
that I cannot bear the idea
of loosing you again and again...
So, I decided to let you go,
because of the fact that deep inside my heart and mind...
"I love you..."
about what I really feel,
you might even wonder why
I suddenly gave up on you
and never tried to fight for you
until the end...
You might hate me and
will get hurt for what I've done.
but...
you never know the reason
why should I have to let go...
It was just because I love you too much
that I cannot bear the idea
of loosing you again and again...
So, I decided to let you go,
because of the fact that deep inside my heart and mind...
"I love you..."
*Sad Story
too many restless cold nights,
i am here in the darkness
embracing melancholy
tasting my bitter-sweet
tears,
aching for the love
that I lost.
sitting here
in my dark empty room,
so lonely and cold.
reminiscing the sad pasts,
all of the heartbreaking
stories that I had,
tasting my own bitterness
screaming deep inside in pain,
my heart is bleeding
for so much heartaches.
I’m so fed up.
my life such a mess.
got nothing but myself
hiding too much sting
in my heart,
pretending am fine
and nothing’s wrong
but am totally broken
deep inside.
wish somebody
could kiss my tears,
willing to pick up
my broken pieces,
willing to get hurt
for me to be whole again.
somebody who will stay,
despite of crazy storms,
somebody who are willing to
risk everything
just to see me smile…
somebody who would not start
another sad story.
i am here in the darkness
embracing melancholy
tasting my bitter-sweet
tears,
aching for the love
that I lost.
sitting here
in my dark empty room,
so lonely and cold.
reminiscing the sad pasts,
all of the heartbreaking
stories that I had,
tasting my own bitterness
screaming deep inside in pain,
my heart is bleeding
for so much heartaches.
I’m so fed up.
my life such a mess.
got nothing but myself
hiding too much sting
in my heart,
pretending am fine
and nothing’s wrong
but am totally broken
deep inside.
wish somebody
could kiss my tears,
willing to pick up
my broken pieces,
willing to get hurt
for me to be whole again.
somebody who will stay,
despite of crazy storms,
somebody who are willing to
risk everything
just to see me smile…
somebody who would not start
another sad story.
Game Over
I don't want to say "goodbye", don't want to say we're over.
I know I love you so much that I cannot dare to forget you and cheat on you.
I did all the sacrifices and pain just for you to be happy.
I risk everything, forget the whole world and myself just to be with you...
And now, you left me all alone and blue, without any clue...
Never left me any explanations why all of a sudden you've changed.
You don't even want to talk to me, so how can i tell you..."we're over"...
I know I love you so much that I cannot dare to forget you and cheat on you.
I did all the sacrifices and pain just for you to be happy.
I risk everything, forget the whole world and myself just to be with you...
And now, you left me all alone and blue, without any clue...
Never left me any explanations why all of a sudden you've changed.
You don't even want to talk to me, so how can i tell you..."we're over"...
*dear diary
dear diary,
it's hard to say goodbye to this world where I've met you,
you never complain every time i punch you with my flooding tears,
you never laugh every time i confess you my million crushes,
you never judge me every time i quickly fell in love,
you never criticize me every time i done wrong and got some none sense mistakes,
you never left me for all my countless crazy failures,
but i got to leave you soon,
nobody would ever tell you my whole story...
before i leave this Earth,
i wanted to confess all my sins,
say sorry to my sister who hated me most,and
to my friends whom I have accidentally hurt,
...wanted to search for my long lost sister,
pray for the soul of my eldest brother
say Thank you to all the people who loved me,
before i leave,
there are things I wanted to do if I got a chance,
(If only life has rewinds)
I wanted to hug my father too tight and tell him:
"Thank you for being a nice father to me, I did everything to make you happy, wish you know how much I love you, and I did everything to be the best daughter you deserve."
(These are the things I never told him before he left me)
If only I could rewrite my story,
I would start it with my mother and tell her:
"You never know how much I missed and love you with all my heart, I'm so thankful for having you as my mother, wish I could give you back all the things you have done for me and for my life. I don't want to loose you, never in my wild dreams...please wait for me for my homecoming..."
(That was the things I failed to tell her...it's too late, she's already gone)
Life has no rewinds.
Oftentimes, we are always asking for "what if's" and "if ever"
we always looked back at yesterday
but never enjoyed the present
and begin worrying about the future
If only life is something we can predict,
then we should know what to do next,
when to do the right move,
where to go to refresh
and whom to spend our life with...
in my life,
I have learned everything,
i had loved, beloved and betrayed
I had failed, stand up and fall down again
i had done mistakes,learned from it and get over it...
dear diary, i only got 24 hours left...
thank you for letting me share my life with you...
I'll be very happy now, i will never meet loneliness and lonesome again...
it's much better to rest in peace now...
ciao!
it's hard to say goodbye to this world where I've met you,
you never complain every time i punch you with my flooding tears,
you never laugh every time i confess you my million crushes,
you never judge me every time i quickly fell in love,
you never criticize me every time i done wrong and got some none sense mistakes,
you never left me for all my countless crazy failures,
but i got to leave you soon,
nobody would ever tell you my whole story...
before i leave this Earth,
i wanted to confess all my sins,
say sorry to my sister who hated me most,and
to my friends whom I have accidentally hurt,
...wanted to search for my long lost sister,
pray for the soul of my eldest brother
say Thank you to all the people who loved me,
before i leave,
there are things I wanted to do if I got a chance,
(If only life has rewinds)
I wanted to hug my father too tight and tell him:
"Thank you for being a nice father to me, I did everything to make you happy, wish you know how much I love you, and I did everything to be the best daughter you deserve."
(These are the things I never told him before he left me)
If only I could rewrite my story,
I would start it with my mother and tell her:
"You never know how much I missed and love you with all my heart, I'm so thankful for having you as my mother, wish I could give you back all the things you have done for me and for my life. I don't want to loose you, never in my wild dreams...please wait for me for my homecoming..."
(That was the things I failed to tell her...it's too late, she's already gone)
Life has no rewinds.
Oftentimes, we are always asking for "what if's" and "if ever"
we always looked back at yesterday
but never enjoyed the present
and begin worrying about the future
If only life is something we can predict,
then we should know what to do next,
when to do the right move,
where to go to refresh
and whom to spend our life with...
in my life,
I have learned everything,
i had loved, beloved and betrayed
I had failed, stand up and fall down again
i had done mistakes,learned from it and get over it...
dear diary, i only got 24 hours left...
thank you for letting me share my life with you...
I'll be very happy now, i will never meet loneliness and lonesome again...
it's much better to rest in peace now...
ciao!
Lost
When i was young,
I never dreamed for a a beautiful dress,
a bunch of toys,
delicious foods,
a can of candies,
even a beautiful barbie doll.
I only dream for one thing.
Happiness.
I was so happy and contented with my life,
never got any complaints against the world,
But I noticed when i learn to grow old,
I slowly discovered some truths untold.
But I never expected some things meant to happen,
I went home from school Wednesday morning at eleven
My mom is teary eyed, she handed me a telegram slowly...
I read every word :"Yves is dead.Need to come here.Hurry!
My tears fall down, and my heart seems to broke,
I don't know what to say, just silently crying in a corner...
My mom is crying out loud, my dad watching us over,
how pain it caused me much, to loose a very nice brother.
I have forget the pain after so many years,
and i always put a smile in my face instead of tears
I have a happy life in high school and my family were so proud of me,
I could no longer wish for anything because I'm truly happy...
It was three o' clock in the morning,
when i was awaken by some worried voices.
I stood up in bed immediately when i heard my mom shouting
When my eyes struck to their bed, I saw my dad ain't moving.
My body frozen with fears and I don't know what to do,
My mind seems to ask questions and I'm worried too...
I realized I'm all alone, my brothers brought dad to the hospital...
And i prayed that dad will be fine and his situation is not fatal...
I went to hospital to visit my dad,
I know am her favorite daughter, I never showed him I'm sad...
He looked me in my eyes when he is suffering in pain,
My heart breaking up so slowly again and again...
I went home so worried, looking for money for his medication,
I felt like a beggar in the street, asking for donation...
I wanted to save my dad's life, I'm willing to sacrifice,
I plead people to help me with tears in my eyes.
But just an hour after I went home from the hospital,
There's somebody knocking at our door, my dad's closest pal
I was shocked when my brother runs back to me, shouting and crying...
"Dad's gone. NO!" That's what he said and I felt like fainting...
My heart breaks right away and I cannot move anymore,
I felt nothing but pain, my heart bleeds for more...
It really hurts to know the truth, dad left us forever!
I cannot accept it and I suffer much than ever...
It was hard for me to moved on when I lost my dad,
I even lost all my dreams that once I had...
I don't want to live anymore, because dad was already gone...
And i know he is really irreplaceable, he's the only one!
Many years passed, I have accepted my dad's death,
And I have learned that there's a reason underneath...
But somehow, I missed how he sang me a song,
And I know, God took him away from us to make me strong...
For each day, I am afraid of loosing someone I love most,
because if I would experience it again, I might get lost.
I never prayed for anything but for the sake of my family,
I decided to leave them to work and how to make our life easy.
After five years, I went home carrying a lot of gifts,
I bought clothes for them and anything that they need...
I hugged my mom so tight and let her feel how i missed her,
And I promised to myself, it would be my best December.
I spent my time with them for just a week,
I do not want to leave them because my mom seems so sick.
I asked her but she told me she's fine and healthy,
So I assumed nothing is wrong and she prayed for our safety.
But a month later, I was so shocked by the news
My brothers told me that mom was so sick,
I felt nothing but afraid and so weak,
I am so worried and i felt so freak!
My heart seems isn't pumping every time I remember my mom,
I always prayed she will survive and she have to wait for me,
I always cried at night, pleading: "God, please, not now, am not yet ready..."
And everyday such a burden and a total suspense for me...
I called my brothers over the phone telling them I'm coming home,
I cried over and over again I can't control my tears,
My heart is breaking up too fast, I can't help the fears
I always wish I could be with my mom for more longer years...
Me and my sis hurriedly went home and I'm so excited
I just thought of positive thoughts, Mom is fine and happy,
There's mixed emotions that I felt but i ignore it right away...
Only to realized I'm standing in a white room, Mom's never waited for me...
Oh! I felt the world seems to turn black and I don't really know,
The feeling I've felt was so worst, so much pain, and a lot of sorrow,
I felt so deeply hurt, oh! it's too much a heartbreak!!!
Mom rested in heaven with my brother and dad, oh! I couldn't speak...
I cried over and over again,
I don't know how to start my life,I felt so much pain,
It really hurts to lost someone you love most,
And now I felt all alone and totally lost... :'(
I never dreamed for a a beautiful dress,
a bunch of toys,
delicious foods,
a can of candies,
even a beautiful barbie doll.
I only dream for one thing.
Happiness.
I was so happy and contented with my life,
never got any complaints against the world,
But I noticed when i learn to grow old,
I slowly discovered some truths untold.
But I never expected some things meant to happen,
I went home from school Wednesday morning at eleven
My mom is teary eyed, she handed me a telegram slowly...
I read every word :"Yves is dead.Need to come here.Hurry!
My tears fall down, and my heart seems to broke,
I don't know what to say, just silently crying in a corner...
My mom is crying out loud, my dad watching us over,
how pain it caused me much, to loose a very nice brother.
I have forget the pain after so many years,
and i always put a smile in my face instead of tears
I have a happy life in high school and my family were so proud of me,
I could no longer wish for anything because I'm truly happy...
It was three o' clock in the morning,
when i was awaken by some worried voices.
I stood up in bed immediately when i heard my mom shouting
When my eyes struck to their bed, I saw my dad ain't moving.
My body frozen with fears and I don't know what to do,
My mind seems to ask questions and I'm worried too...
I realized I'm all alone, my brothers brought dad to the hospital...
And i prayed that dad will be fine and his situation is not fatal...
I went to hospital to visit my dad,
I know am her favorite daughter, I never showed him I'm sad...
He looked me in my eyes when he is suffering in pain,
My heart breaking up so slowly again and again...
I went home so worried, looking for money for his medication,
I felt like a beggar in the street, asking for donation...
I wanted to save my dad's life, I'm willing to sacrifice,
I plead people to help me with tears in my eyes.
But just an hour after I went home from the hospital,
There's somebody knocking at our door, my dad's closest pal
I was shocked when my brother runs back to me, shouting and crying...
"Dad's gone. NO!" That's what he said and I felt like fainting...
My heart breaks right away and I cannot move anymore,
I felt nothing but pain, my heart bleeds for more...
It really hurts to know the truth, dad left us forever!
I cannot accept it and I suffer much than ever...
It was hard for me to moved on when I lost my dad,
I even lost all my dreams that once I had...
I don't want to live anymore, because dad was already gone...
And i know he is really irreplaceable, he's the only one!
Many years passed, I have accepted my dad's death,
And I have learned that there's a reason underneath...
But somehow, I missed how he sang me a song,
And I know, God took him away from us to make me strong...
For each day, I am afraid of loosing someone I love most,
because if I would experience it again, I might get lost.
I never prayed for anything but for the sake of my family,
I decided to leave them to work and how to make our life easy.
After five years, I went home carrying a lot of gifts,
I bought clothes for them and anything that they need...
I hugged my mom so tight and let her feel how i missed her,
And I promised to myself, it would be my best December.
I spent my time with them for just a week,
I do not want to leave them because my mom seems so sick.
I asked her but she told me she's fine and healthy,
So I assumed nothing is wrong and she prayed for our safety.
But a month later, I was so shocked by the news
My brothers told me that mom was so sick,
I felt nothing but afraid and so weak,
I am so worried and i felt so freak!
My heart seems isn't pumping every time I remember my mom,
I always prayed she will survive and she have to wait for me,
I always cried at night, pleading: "God, please, not now, am not yet ready..."
And everyday such a burden and a total suspense for me...
I called my brothers over the phone telling them I'm coming home,
I cried over and over again I can't control my tears,
My heart is breaking up too fast, I can't help the fears
I always wish I could be with my mom for more longer years...
Me and my sis hurriedly went home and I'm so excited
I just thought of positive thoughts, Mom is fine and happy,
There's mixed emotions that I felt but i ignore it right away...
Only to realized I'm standing in a white room, Mom's never waited for me...
Oh! I felt the world seems to turn black and I don't really know,
The feeling I've felt was so worst, so much pain, and a lot of sorrow,
I felt so deeply hurt, oh! it's too much a heartbreak!!!
Mom rested in heaven with my brother and dad, oh! I couldn't speak...
I cried over and over again,
I don't know how to start my life,I felt so much pain,
It really hurts to lost someone you love most,
And now I felt all alone and totally lost... :'(
Maghanap ng Wala
Bakit ang tao madalas maghanap ng nawawala? Kung tutuusin, hanapin mo man ito, ay hindi mo rin naman ito makikita pa, hindi ba?
Bakit ang tao kapag nagmahal, kayang ibigay ang lahat para sa minamahal, pero kapag sinaktan ng lubusan, wala na silang maramdaman?
Bakit ang tao, madalas mangako na hindi mang-iiwan, pero kung sino pa ang taong nangako sayo na hindi ka iiwan, 'yun pa ang taong iiwanan ka ng walang dahilan?
bakit nga ba madalas maghanap ng wala?
eh kahit kelan man, ang nawala na, ay hindi na makikita pa.
